I’m at the beach!


I woke up today and I worked and I worked
Well maybe not that
Only a few hours
But hours enough my back and my arms
Felt heavy but large well I hope they get large


I like to work yes I like it so
Well I don't like it much but I won't let it show


I think of things new and I’ll figure out problems
And give them solutions
Just my contributions will make me feel good and the industry too


They’ll thank me they will but it’s not for me
No it’s not for me
It's for you yes for you
it is always for you


But i'm here yes I am now i'm working away and im working and
it looks like out here i will stay
At least for now for a bit for some minutes
Ill cut and i'll chop and i'll put things over there


Nail in the nails and screw in the screws
The plywood goes under
the two’s go by fours
Lets pour in the concrete


I thought and I thought about my intentions i wished to fix the wood to fix the roots
To fix my mind eternal drought


I wanted this bad I wanted this so
I wanted to fix and think ever slow
I wished for the wood the nails the bricks
To think of the problems I only can fix


So why am I back and why am I front
And why do I think of the days in the month
And who can I find and what can I buy
To finally live in the present of minds


I wished to be lonesome I wished for a friend
I wished I could stop and think for a second


To think of what I was doing right now
But the drill was too loud and so were the clouds


But then it was done
Oh yes it was done
Im finally here i might have some fun
I’ll look at the ocean
I'll look at the waves
I'll look at my sorrow in differing shades


The sun’s going down
It looks like
I’m pretty hungry too


Chicken was good. A nice rotisserie. That can't be how you spell it. Oh well. Rotisserie chicken with some microwaved rice. By the ocean? Fucking gourmet. Food just tastes a little better here. Especially after work. The work i thought would clear some of the shit from my head. I should probably just work a little bit more. Just a little bit harder. Eventually i'll smush the shit from my brain.


Someone, I keep forgetting who. It’s probably just they, ya know, the eternal “them”. They keep saying that if you help other people you can help yourself. I buy that. I really do. Everytime I go out and talk to people or do something, like something actual you know? I feel pretty good. But there’s still something… like something…


Well after dinner the sun went down
So i went to the rocks to observe the waves
I observed the waves, their attention I craved
I wished for them to spell my name


But the farther back,
(the town – you see – was bright the clouds were low the world reborn in afterglow)
I looked I saw the pit, abyss a greater dark
Where water, no the ocean met
The sky in looming black
The black of night
The clouds were gone back there no mist
No waves no people i think i think
Just pitch black i kept making
Eye contact the dark kept catching my eye
I struggled to forget it was back there so
Empty so black
It brought me…


Why though why the water’s right here!
The waves are crashing beneath my feet
they’re doing such marvelous, crazy things


Frothing in white the patterned emulsion
The only thing bright in the dark black sea


The waves hit the rocks then backwards they go
careening towards their former egos.
Waves going forward and waves moving back
a sheepish return,
while the still at large,
–the eager and frothing–
careen down the path


The meeting is grand the meeting is large
The forces explode embracing in arms
Skyward they soar the water explodes


It's strange you see
The sound they make
Not big not huge
It’s not a roar
It’s not a bang or a crash a shout but a *bloop*
A somewhat stomach sound


They fall back down
The victor wins
And onwards they sail towards the rocks
To make a new life together combined
They swim back out to sea…


Where…


wow oh wow what visions lie
beneath the depths of summertime.
A wave! It grows!
But underneath...
I see a glow of marvelous hue.
A turquoise green erupts in a light
i thought was just from up above.


Alive I sit now on these rocks
It’s colder now
I brought my sweater
Safe and sound
I sit and stare still stare and sit
My eyes glued looking out


I cannot believe the water’s alive
There lives below a life of light
I see myself within its depths
Surrounded by its milky breath
embrace me turquoise bodies yes
I see you all
I see how blessed


Exploding blues
Exploding greens
I see the sky dropped to its knees
To find a home here underneath
The stars here too my crib my room
I feel the warm
The simple warm


But then the wave
It crashes down
The gentle blue it disappears
Covered up by earthen tears


I think it was nothing, yes not so much but reflection. Just the light from the town displayed on the underside of the wave. Lots of clouds tonight, so there’s a lot of ambient light. Like night time never really came. The salt probably does something too. Doesn’t salt do something to light?


No. It was the plankton. Those glowing plankton. It was life! Life all along! A wave would form and I’d see the incredible world underneath its form. It's a shame I couldn't really go in there. To be around the glow. To live under the waves for a little bit.


I turn around and notice just how the lights on the house yes this beautiful house (it looks pretty old but my goodness how bold!) look yellow not white yes they’re yellow in hue. A deep yellow that’s long from news. Old is the yellow just barely alive just barely protecting from dark of the night. How different it looks from the lights of now that make a new day and generate sun. These old these lights their purpose was only to keep away dark. Not for the pleasures of day in the nighttime.


But here i still sit
With daylight fended off
By the power behind but i havent lost sight
Of the horizon line
Lost in the depths
Lost in the glow I was lost in the waves but back there it lies


I found my way
Found my way back to you
Ocean line with dark, dark skies
Im scared but i'll try to pretend
I can still see the stars
Still see the planets
and still see the mars
But still yes
still the sky looks black


I don't know how much longer I should sit here. It's getting cold i think . im not that cold though. I'm doing alright temperature wise. How long am i supposed to stare at the water? (and that damn horizon) should i get some sleep? I mean it’s only 9:30. I should get up at 8 or so. I have plenty of time. The waves will keep going until early in the morning, I think . No. I don't think, I know. They will most certainly keep going. I'll go inside. Might as well read for a bit. Don't know why
but the choice is mine.


I’ll read then i’ll sleep
then i’ll wake again
to see – yes to see if the work makes it better
if the work gives it peace
or whatever it be
that sometimes… just sometimes...