Nighttime
Im walking back from my friends house
We watched some television
Not live television
We picked our own
Good show
Getting better
Watched a lot of them
I know about a lot of shows now
What they show me
I know the plots
The writing and such and the colors they use very nice very nice
Good framing, lovely compositions

I hate the ones with nice colors that are bad. I dont like the fun pretty characters and their wills to live. Barely they don’t even want to live. They want to complete their task. Their mundane task. Nothing else matters. Just the task at hand. Very nice very nice sometimes I feel like that too. Walking back home and such.

Think about thinking about why you think when you walk back
Well I know why
Optimization. Can do two for the price of one.
But im still thinking about what to think about to best use the time

Id rather be doing a task at hand
When i don’t have to be thinking for myself. I can just do the thing because I have to.
I want to get robbed
That could be cool
What an experience
I don’t think he’d kill me. Definitely not. Needs my money. Wouldn’t he get caught? I’d give him my money, probably try to be nice and such. Tell him (i mean i guess it could be her, but right now it’s a he. He’s in all the cartoons so he popped into my head first probably. I’m not sexist I promise. I just watch the TV. I’m sometimes historical) that i get the idea. I mean i don’t get it completely. I’m not poor as fuck. But im not so rich either. I stole a fruit cup from the grocery store yesterday. I was buying cereal too and i just put the box of what was mostly cantaloupe and pineapple with some grapes and honeydew – the pineapple and grapes were worth it – behind the cereal as I swiped it across the self checkout scanner. The employees didn’t see, I mean i’ve done it a few times before they never actually watch out for that. They’d assume I made a mistake. I try to look like I don’t steal things. Wear my jeans. Look a little humble, slouch the shoulders a bit. Smile at the cashiers and stuff like that. Or i’ll look distracted. Listening to music and stuff, probably looking in my own world. That way if they actually do see me, it might make sense. Also people who look distracted and busy would never steal anything right? You have to be a bit bored and slow to steal something. Can’t do it rapidly, for then it would look like you’re focused on the task at hand.

I didn’t have to take it. I have enough money for a bit, got a little saved up. But not too much. Not enough for me to feel okay about it. And Im not quite sure if my job is covering my rent. Or my groceries. I don’t have things too well planned out. Which is an issue. But I know that I could probably ask my parents for money if I got desperate. Like broke and stuff. They’d definitely give me some. No questions asked. But then I’d have failed. My first go didn’t work, and they’d know that. And a little part of me dies. A big part actually. That makes the next level a whole lot steeper. The estimation drops, so you have to reach a much larger one the next time to make up for the first mistake.

So I don’t want to do that. But I also don’t want to necessarily organize my life. I’m actually pretty happy right now to be honest. Not too bad of a life. Quite a bit of time. Not studying at school, summertime and all, so I can read my own books and play my own games. So I take the fruit cup from the grocery store. A knife here, a box of pasta there. I buy rolls and pay for 2 instead of 4. I click the “no bag” option and take a bag anyways. I’ve probably saved at least a hundred and a few dollars at this point. Good deal. So I get what my robber feels like. I guess I’m not at literal starvation, or have a crack addiction or a dying son or mother. That’s a bit more extreme. But the general principle works right? You don’t wanna get it some other way so you rob me. Easy money. I know the whole thing about desperation and such, circumstances out of your control made you get to this point. But i dont think that’s true for you here in Los Angeles. You could go to some place, they’d help you. Tons of shelters around here. Tons of organizations that help give people food. Lots of programs to get the homeless jobs. I don’t even know if you’re homeless. You might live somewhere in a house that you could sell. If you have a house you can probably get a job right? Well family I guess. Maybe you have to take care of someone. That’s pretty fucked. I don’t know what I’d do about that one. So maybe you’re right. That could be where our analogies part. I can’t possibly fault you for robbing me. I don’t know really what that means. I’ve never needed it that bad. Never actually had to steal something. For my life. Or someone elses life.

That’s why I kind of want to fight the robber too. That would be this. I would then be alone. And i’d need to win. This guy probably has a gun. Or a knife. If I jumped or tried to punch him then it would be me versus him. Nothing else. I don’t really give a fuck about my summer plans at that point. If my parents are okay. What my friends think of my art. If they would think of me as a dumbass if they actually saw what I wrote. Or maybe worse. If they thought it was fine. I mean it’s probably fine. But then i’m fine. Can I try harder and be not fine? Never mind, see that’s why i want to fight this guy. Beat him to smithereens. I could get mad. Really mad. Try to rip out his stomach when i dig my nails into his body. I could kick and punch him until he couldn’t see out of his swollen eyes. But that’s no fun. Then it’s not sport, just some indulgence. Outside world comes back in if I did that. More fun if he’s a little good too. Wants to kill me. I have to run a little, but then knock him out or something and run away. Maybe take his gun too. Or knife. Or belt im not sure. As long as I win. I had to win. What else was I going to do? Give him my money? He could have killed me!